


Things America is Not Allowed to Do at the United Nations

by HakoX2



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-04
Updated: 2020-03-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:41:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23011174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HakoX2/pseuds/HakoX2
Summary: This was unexpectedly fun to write. I like my serious Americas, but I decided to take a breather from my other USUK work, Camlann, to do a fun one with him.If this really hits off, I'll add more in the future and maybe do ones of other nations. Thank you for reading, and I hope you've enjoyed my work!
Comments: 2
Kudos: 25





	Things America is Not Allowed to Do at the United Nations

1\. America is not allowed to insist that the following are states:  
1a) Middle Earth.  
1b) The Isles of Westeros.  
1c) Any Pokemon Region.  
1d) The countries that the Pokemon Regions are based off of, because they're probably in the room with you.  
1e) Canada.  
1ei) Um, I'm right here...  
1eii) Who wrote that?

2\. America is not allowed to post unauthorised footage of nations on Twitter and insist they are 'fancams'.  
2a) Especially not when Prussia is around. We had to end an entire council just because he was trying too hard to get in the shot.  
2b) America is now allowed to post 'fancams' of Prussia purely to distract him.

3\. America is not allowed to raise the DEFCON alert while fighting over the air conditioning with Russia. We do not need a Hot-or-Cold War at the start of every council. 

4\. America is also not allowed to raise the DEFCON alert:  
4a) Over a wrong Foodpanda order.  
4b) While reading cringe subreddits under the conference table.  
4c) When Russia is in a good mood.  
4d) When England brings in his cooking.  
4e) When France is drunk and starts flirting with council members, including him.  
4ei) Big Brother is skilful in many areas other than the conference room. Shall we depart, my Prince~?

5\. America is no longer allowed to raise the DEFCON alert in council.

6\. America is not allowed to suggest that the solution to the Global Energy Crisis is 'an extension cord plugged into itself'. 

7\. America is not allowed to suggest that the solution to global warming is reviving Joan of Arc.  
7a) We'll see how right you are about this one.

8\. America is not allowed to suggest that any solution to the council's main topic is 'Google it'.  
8a) Especially considering that you created Google.

9\. America is not allowed to solicit for dick pics on any dating app and proceed to reply them with:  
9a) Classified images of nuclear weapons.  
9b) Images of Russia taken without consent.  
9c) Images of Russia taken with consent.  
9ci) You have none of these, despite having a gallery full of 'national security precautions'.

10\. America is not allowed to install video games on the UN headquarters' computers 'just to see if they can run it'. 

11\. America is not allowed to stream video games live using the UN headquarters' computers.  
11a) Not even if Russia is currently playing the same game.  
11ai) Especially not if he's playing CSGO.  
11aii) There goes your pride in front of hundreds of foreign diplomats. I warned you against this.

12\. America is not allowed to trick England into re-enacting the Salem Witch Trials.  
12a) If he drowns, he's a witch. If he floats, he's still a witch. If he climbs out of the water and turns you into a rooster again... you get the idea.

13\. America is not allowed to insist that Canada will 'disappear if you don't believe in him'.

14\. America? Who's that? The only superpower here is the awesome me!  
14a) I will take you up on that, da?  
14b) America is not allowed to give Prussia or Russia access to this document.

15\. Not allowed to pick up foreign diplomats or nations with 'Are you a nuclear warhead? Because I'd like to blow you underground', considering the political implications.  
15a) Especially if it's Belarus or God forbid, Russia. You're not making a move on them. You're challenging them.

16\. The 'F' in Alfred F. Jones does not stand for:  
16a) Freedom is the missus and the M16.  
16b) Fresh Prince of Del Taco.  
16c) Finally better than England.  
16d) Feelin' good on a Wednesday.  
16e) Come over to my place and I'll show you.  
16f) France is here? Let me get my bear mace.  
16g) 'Fight Kill', but said really quickly.

17\. America is not allowed to propose a game of Axis and Allies with the nations in between council meetings, and having those who opposed his views in the previous meeting take the Axis side. You have 89 people to fit three players, and the rest don't even want to join in.

18\. A 'crude oil deficiency' is not a valid medical condition. America is not allowed to use it as an excuse not to work, and insist other nations give up their reserves to get him moving.

19\. America is not allowed to give his opening speech in the form of an interpretive dance.  
19a) An exception may be proposed if Spain is willing to help demonstrate.  
19ai) If Spain is absent and France offers to take his place, at least one person will be fully stripped by the end. You know what? Just don't. 

20\. America is not allowed to write song lyrics into documents containing resolutions to the council topic.  
20a) Neither is he allowed to circumvent this by changing the phrasing of its contents into a fully choreographed broadway script.  
20ai) You did it once, it premiered in Japan, it was awesome. Now let's never speak of it again, like all of the things you did here.

**Author's Note:**

> This was unexpectedly fun to write. I like my serious Americas, but I decided to take a breather from my other USUK work, Camlann, to do a fun one with him.
> 
> If this really hits off, I'll add more in the future and maybe do ones of other nations. Thank you for reading, and I hope you've enjoyed my work!


End file.
